So, we finally saw a bit of light at the end of what has felt like a very very long tunnel and we got back down to Parkfield! It had felt like such a long time since we’d seen each other so actually felt a little bit emotional when the time finally came! Who’d have thought I’d have missed your faces as much as I did!!! And we welcomed lots of new members into the fitness family which is so fab.
Urmmm so, the month of April……………………..I don’t know whether it was a bit of freedom from Boris or that I’d got a bit cocky with my talk of not having had a slip up since the end of December as Easter arrived and despite telling myself it was only a few days of being a bit naughty it actually spread into far longer and if I’m entirely honest with myself, my mindset is still not right and I feel like I’m not in control! I hate that feeling especially when, for so long, I was on it like a car bonnet.
I kind of know when I’m about to fall off the wagon so to speak and I hate that feeling knowing there’s very little I can do about it! Now, I know people will be thinking of course there is and she was banging on about motivation and binge eating a few blogs back but I know me and I know how I work and I know that if my head is not in the right place there is not a massive amount I can do in that moment. I know what I should be doing but it’s like I’m in a place of self-sabotage and just need to ride it out, keep up the fitness side, and trust that my head will be back in the game sooner or later!
Now don’t get me wrong I know I’ve not undone all the hard work of the last 3 months and more importantly the last few years and I know I’m too hard on myself so maybe even needed to let myself go a bit wild for a while but I also know how bloody hard it is to get back in the right head space.
But this is not a self-pity party and what is done is done and what matters most is how I deal with it and move on and I am determined to get back on track. And right on cue came a text from our very own Mrs Freear after a yoga session saying that she thought how good I was looking. Talk about the absolute perfect time to hear something like that. I was feeling pretty rubbish and disappointed with myself for not being able to get a grip so for someone to say that felt amazing! You’d have thought that might have given me the incentive to be ‘good’ but alas no!!!!
Then later that same day I was talking to a friend about the bootcamp boys going wake boarding and about how my other half learnt to water ski on holiday about 8 years ago and how I wished I’d been able to try it but I couldn’t because I was so big. I would have felt totally self-conscious and uncomfortable for even trying it and I just knew the instructors would have thought I was crazy to try, if they’d even let me! It actually made me sad thinking about the things I have missed out on in the past because of my weight and I have kept thinking about it on and off since. I don’t want to feel like I felt back then and I don’t want to miss out on anything else so I will not miss out and I will say yes to the things I want to do and I vow to myself to never ever let my size or insecurities dictate things again.
So, I know this month, more than any other month, I am really not in a position to dish out the advice but I would say to each and every one of you to do what makes you happy and don’t let anything hold you back. Life is too short so put on that wetsuit and water ski your little flippers off. Ok, so the water-skiing thing is just me probably and let’s face it there would be more face planting than skiing, but you get me. Just do what you want to do and be happy and screw anyone that wants to try to bring you down! While they are busy judging they’re missing out on all fun so they’re the losers!
Cheeky little update before I post this……..I am pleased to report that my head appears to be back in the game and I’m feeling so much more positive and have been for a good few days! Please please let it continue! I shall report back further next month. If I have begun being a total pig again, I promise I will confess and then you will have permission to kick my arse (gently as I bruise like a peach)!!!
Have a fab month lovelies and don’t forget life is not a dress rehearsal so we need to seize the moments as they come.
Love and hugs,